Welcome to Something Totally Different!

Well! Fancy meeting you here!

If you’ve come from Suburban Turmoil, you’re probably wondering what all this is about. The fact is, a lot has changed since I started that blog back in 2005. For one thing, my kids, known on the blog as Punky and Bruiser, grew up! Punky is now 20 and a college sophomore and Bruiser is a senior in high school. Also? I got divorced! I know, right? Plus? I no longer live in the suburbs! I moved to a lovely historic neighborhood in Nashville, where I can walk to restaurants and bars and parks and greenways and just be in the heart of everything that’s going on – I’ve always dreamed of living in the city and feel really lucky to be here now.

 

In other words, the suburban turmoil is over. It was definitely time for something totally different. And… Yeah. See what I did there?

I know what you’re thinking. Blogging is dead. You may be right. Regardless, I decided to start blogging again for a number of reasons. When I started writing my blog, I tried to be as honest as I could about my thoughts and experiences as a mom, and it was the most freeing and fulfilling writing experience I’ve ever had. But as the blog took off and my kids started school, I began toning down my writing a bit. It turned out that while being honest appealed to lots of readers across the country, it didn’t go over so well with some of the moms in my town, who took it personally that I was poking fun at my suburban lifestyle (which also happened to be their lifestyle) — and while I really didn’t care what they thought (okay, sometimes I did, but I tried not to!), I didn’t want my actions to affect whether or not my children were invited to birthday parties and sleepovers. Also, I started getting jobs based on the blog’s success – Soon, my family came to rely on that money, and I was afraid of writing anything that might jeopardize that. 

And then there was the biggest secret of all – I was in an abusive marriage. The fact that I couldn’t write about this increasingly problematic part of my life really took a toll on my creativity over the years, and as things got worse, I pretty much stopped blogging entirely. Instead, I focused on preparing to leave my marriage. And then I did leave. And while I knew I’d eventually write again, I wanted to wait until I was certain that what I wrote was coming from a positive, healed (or at least, healing)  perspective. That took time. A lot of time, as it turns out — I left my marriage in August of 2022, the divorce was final in May of 2023, and it’s only now that I finally feel comfortable blogging again. 

But as I prepared to get back into it, I realized I was at a crossroads. I could stay silent about what had led to my divorce, fly under the radar, keep my ex-husband’s secret, and stay small and safe and socially acceptable. Or I could be completely honest about my experience, write with true authenticity for the first time ever, and hopefully help a bunch of other women in the process.

I chose to speak out, and I made it the final post I published on Suburban Turmoil. The decision to go public was, and still is, terrifying. But it was also incredibly freeing. I’ve never felt a bigger weight lift from my shoulders than I did the moment I hit the ‘publish’ button. (Well, I did once, but I’ll get to that in a second.) And as the comments and emails and DMs began pouring in from women who had seen themselves in my story, or a friend, or a loved one, I knew I’d made the right call.

I decided to create a Substack newsletter for all my future posts about abuse and divorce, to create a level of privacy and safety both for myself as I tell my story and for the readers who want to comment on posts and communicate with each other. If you’re interested in that part of my story or feel it might help you, I hope you’ll subscribe. An incredible community is forming there and I’m so excited about the good things that are already happening as a result.

And that also means I can use this website to write about… well… something totally different. In order to explain, I need to take you back to the night I left my marriage, carrying only a duffel bag on my shoulder. As I drove away, I felt shocked. I felt scared. I felt traumatized. But after a few minutes of crying, I stopped suddenly, because I realized that I also felt… free, for the first time in two decades. I knew in that moment, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that the worst, for me, was finally over. I had done the impossible. I had made it out of my toxic and dangerous relationship. And I was never, ever going back.

I didn’t quite know what to do with the feelings of hope and even giddiness that began bubbling up as I drove farther and farther away. They felt highly inappropriate. But I decided in that moment to seize hold of them, because I knew the coming months were going to be rough. I gave myself permission that night to take any small glimmer of hope or happiness I could find from that point onward and cling to it for dear life.

And that decision has made all the difference.

Because while the last two years have held plenty of difficulties and trauma and tears and the hard work of healing,  they’ve also held more actual happiness than I’ve experienced in decades. Regaining control of my own life has made me feel like a kid in a candy store. I’ve been absolutely elated over the fact that I can now hang out with whomever I want, whenever I want! I can buy what I want! I can buy my kids what they want! I can have dinner wherever I want!  I can get DoorDash if I want! I can decorate my home how I want! I can watch what I want! I can read what I want! I can go to the beach if I want! I can have my own opinions! No one is criticizing me for all the little choices I make anymore! No one is blaming me for everything that goes wrong! It is the absolute best feeling in the world, and if there’s a silver lining to my experience, it’s that I’m so grateful now to feel such excitement about life and all its prospects and possibilities at a time when popular culture wants me to believe that because of my age, it’s basically all downhill from here. There are plenty of blogs and websites and social media accounts intended for women in their 40s, 50s, and beyond that go on and on about things like menopause and empty nesting and how to look younger, and there’s a huge audience for those topics, clearly. But that’s not what this blog is going to be about.

Instead, this blog will be about joy, adventure, loving life and all that it (still!) has to offer, making new friends, learning new things, embracing the unknown, defying the stereotypes of aging, and laughing as much as possible. My hope for all of us is that we stop worrying about getting older, stop feeling pressure to look younger, and simply do what makes us feel good about ourselves. Period. Instead of talking about what is and isn’t appropriate for women my age, I want us to simply make sure our motivation for whatever it is that we’re doing is on track — and if that’s the case, then everyone else can shut the hell up. In short, I want this website to be something totally different from what you’re used to reading, and I hope that it helps you feel the same excitement about your own life and its possibilities that I feel now about mine.

I’ve started a new chapter, but I’m still the same me — which means you’ll probably see any and everything here, from personal essays to funny stories about my misadventures to book/movie/TV recommendations to travel posts. (I’m looking VERY forward to traveling again!) If I think it’s interesting, I’ll probably write about it.

So with that said, welcome to Something Totally Different. I’m so glad you’re here.

Want to keep up with my posts here? The best way to do that is by following me on Facebook and Instagram. And I’m starting a new TikTok account as well, because I love TikTok and it’s ridiculous that a person who has made videos her entire professional career now has a fear of making TikTok videos. So if you’re a TikTok person, you can follow me there, too.