>Toiletgate
>I guess you could say I’ve really stepped in it this time.
I’ve gotten word that certain producers at a certain television network are upset about a certain column I wrote in last week’s Nashville Scene. While I didn’t mention that network or the television show I field-produced in the column, it was enough that I did mention the erm, bathroom habits of a certain country music superstar.
And that’s when the shit hit the fan.
Because apparently, if I dare to write that Martina McBride was so marvelous that the only dirt I could find on her was that she didn’t flush the toilet, then it’s entirely appropriate for a bunch of television producers to have a collective shit fit about it. The only explanation I can come up with for their consternation is that I’m the first person ever to to insinuate, on the record, that celebrities use the toilet for, you know, toiletty things. Shocking, I know.
Network dudes? You must chill. And also? You’re lucky that I’m a toilet half-full kind of girl.
Because I choose to believe that maybe some good will come out of all this. Maybe Martina will treat the next bathroom she visits with a little more consideration, so that the person who happens upon it afterward won’t be left to pick up the pieces. Wait. That didn’t sound right. Well, you know what I mean.
And as for Martina, if you’re out there reading this, know that no matter how this flushes out, your fans will still be legion. For heaven’s sake, one of them is asserting in my comments that if you do in fact poop, you only poop pink bows. Now that’s devotion.
Anyway, if you’d like to do a sit-down interview with me about the whole thing, I’d be willing to devote an entire column to it. We can meet face-to-face and shake hands over this whole thing.
But only if you promise me you’ve washed them first.
>Lindsay, you just keep on going, and going… kind of like a running toilet. It cracks me up, and I mean all of that as a compliment.
>You said ‘cracks.’ Heh.
>You are sooo good…love the way you write! 🙂
>Oh man. I laughed so hard at this one. I love “toilet half-full kind of gal” because I think I’m the same way, too.
>oh man, well OBVIOUSLY you missed the memo that celebrities don’t shit. And if they DID (which they don’t) it doesn’t stink.
>ha! this is hilarious. like Paris Hilton not wanting to eat or drink in jail because she was afraid someone might find out that she actually uses the toilet for something other than puking in! Come on people…
>LOL. If that’s the worst thing written about her on the intraweb, then she’s fairing much better than the rest of her celebrity cohorts. No?
>Well, I could feel that backlash ‘a comin. But good grief! People just need to RELAX. I thought it was hysterical. But I get the feeling that those network types aren’t filled with lots of extra humor 🙂
>Ya know, if Martina ever read this she would probably laugh her ass off. And Lindsay, you are a Gilmore fan, you should have said:“You said ‘cracks,’ dirty” Heh!-Charity
>Butt, really. What is wrong with those people?If you get 5 celebrities to admit they go to the bathroom, it’d be like a Royal Flush, or, something.
>ha, ha, too funny. What’s that saying–if it’s yellow, let it mellow. If it’s brown, flush it down.Love your blog.
>I did have to wonder if Martina thought the toilet was the self flush one, or she did flush and it didn’t work. I prefer to kick the little lever with my foot. It is still creepy to have then unlock the door. Please, tell me she washed her hands?
>I just wanted to say how much I enjoy reading your blog. I found you thru a link on Penelope Trunk’s blog when the whole brou ha ha happened recently. I almost didn’t continue reading your blog because of the negativity around that situation, but that passed and I think you’re vey entertaining. And I do believe you can turn this blog into a book. I would definitely read it. Andy Wibbel does a lot of stuff about blogging and how to make a book about it. Try his blog and see what you think.
>Thank you! I’ve gotten a lot of e-mails from Penelope haters and just ignored them, because it was one incident and I wrote about it and moved on. And Penelope did apologize and even wrote that she’d learned something from the situation, which I appreciated.So anyway, that’s nice to read.
>I laughed for a long time after reading your article about Martina and the restroom incident. Maybe it does bring celebrities down to earth a little bit. But they needed it.
>Oh, too funny! I read the article and it was great!!!
>I’m SURE her people have called, right?
>I’m assuming her people called the network and that’s what started this whole thing.
>Oh puh-LEASE. They’re just happy she’s in the news outside Nashville. If I tripped over her and bought her a chai latte in apology I still wouldn’t know who she was. Meanwhile, you are not alone in your interest in celebrity urinary function. I did mention Julia Louis-Dreyfus peeing on the toilet. Although the WSJ picked it up, they didn’t get mad. They just attributed the quote to Yvonne.Whether she flushes, however, I do not know. Julia I mean. Not Y.
>I’m just jealous that you have a network that knows who you are and thinks you are powerful enough to care about.Funny too!
>Wow.. I mean, strangely enough, it was a COMPLIMENT! albeit, a different KIND of compliment.. but hey.. if that is the worst thing you can say about her.. what the hey are they complaining about?!LOVE your blog!
>So funny! And this comment from the mom who tells her son to stop it already with the toilet humor…heck, you could always carry hand sanitizer in case she didn’t wash. Only 30% do.
>Now now, Lindsay, be nice. You write “Martina doesn’t flush.” For all you know, she has flushed everytime in her life, except THAT time. However, she still owes the toilet an apology. The toilet is not in the business of saving logs.
>OMG that was the funniest blog entry ever – esp since I had a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach reading about Naomi Judd or whatever her name is – all those Southern people don’t shit I heard – that’s why they are so up tight!I HOPE MM’s peeps get in touch – that would be ass-splittingly funny.
>Lindsay you made me laugh and brought back fond memories. When my daughter was areound 10, Princess Diana gave birth. My daughter asked me all serious how she gave birth. The look of horror on her face when I told her it was the same way all women give birth was priceless! She told me no way! A princess would never do that! AND ran off in tears when I told her yes she most certainly would and that she might have farted too once in a while! I think it took her a week to get over the shock! Thanks for the laughs!
>I’m telling ya, you are daring and pull it in at just the right time. It’s a delicate balance and you manage it so well!Good piece. I bet your publisher misses sleep at night.
>Your blog is such a gas! And Martina McBride does so poop. EVERYONE POOPS. Even preschoolers know that. Duh.
>I am feeling flushed just reading this… You do have a way with words.
>LOL!!!!! poor Martina. It’s kind of funny ’cause this happened at work yesterday. I work in a department of about 50 people and someone forgot to flush. I went back to my group of 6 people and said out loud jokingly…”Who ever forgot to flush needs to drink more fluids!!” everybody laughed…Then I started thinkin..if they didn’t flush they probably didn’t wash their hands either…icky!!! 🙂 Life happens.
>LOVED the MM article. Hysterical. Now that is the kind of stuff I want to know. I dont care who she is wearing or where her tour wraps up. Good stuff.